The Unstoried Thought Leader

The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and the world are not always true.

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Rabbi Shemuel ben Nachmani said:

 "We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are."
 (Talmud Bavli, Berakhot 55b)

The day we realise this is the day we begin to loosen the grip of beliefs that once served us, but may no longer do so.

A big part of becoming a commercially successful thought leader is the ability to create new stories. The journey often involves exploring and evolving the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what we know, and what’s possible.

Three powerful questions to ask at any moment:

1. Is this true?
2. Does it still serve me to believe this?
3. What’s a different story I could tell myself about this moment?

One of my favourite thinkers in this space is Byron Katie. Her work, called The Work, is excellent. You can find her at www.thework.org.

I believe that when we give ourselves permission to rewrite our internal narratives, we become unstoried. To live unstoried is to let go of thoughts and beliefs that may have once been useful but now hold us back.

A personal example: I attended a session with an ADHD specialist in the role of carer-observer. At one point, the doctor casually mentioned that many adults, and perhaps even I, may have undiagnosed ADHD. No assessment, no evidence, just a throwaway line. Naturally, I created a story around it. It explained a lack of focus I sometimes experience (though that’s hardly rare). I went deep. I even researched a less common diagnosis called Executive Function Disorder. It seemed to match my dislike of manipulation in meetings, my intolerance for workplace politics, and my resistance to power-over dynamics. It made sense. It fit. It felt like a neat story.

But it was just that, a story. All of it based on a single comment from a well-meaning professional.

The most powerful and pervasive story we tell is the story of who we are in the world. The journey of leadership often requires a rewrite of that story.

The mind is fast to fill in blanks, especially under pressure or uncertainty. Our stories help us make sense of complex or confusing moments. But when they become unquestioned habits of thought, they can start to hurt more than they help.

Once we notice the grip these stories have on us, we gain the ability to rewrite them. This isn’t about denying reality, it’s about questioning the interpretation we’ve applied to it. We can create better stories for future moments.

Thoughts we revisit become beliefs. Beliefs are just repeated stories. But are they useful?

Often, we want our beliefs to be true. So we seek out confirming evidence, a tendency well known in scientific method  as confirmation bias. It’s the habit of reinforcing our stories with selective facts, while ignoring anything that might contradict them.

So consider:

• What stories are helping you?
• What stories are holding you back?
• What stories need a rewrite?

Perhaps becoming a more commercially smart thought leader is less about adding, and more about letting go of the stories that no longer serve you.

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